YUFFIE'S CURE
by silvawolf
Summary: No Ninjas were harmed duing the making of this Fanfic (well not much) Have you ever wondered if our favourite, cheeky, kleptomaniac can be cured? read on to find out! -Complete-
1. chapter 1

I Silvawolf, do not own FF7 for it belongs to Squaresoft (I suppose it's because I don't make the rules, someone of a much higher status does) ^-^. However I do own Silvawolf of course 'cos that's me.  
  
Yuffie's Cure.  
  
Chapter 1.  
  
Narrator: The gang are celebrating Barret's birthday in Tifa's new bar at Nibelheim (I've decided to throw all the characters in regardless). Everyone is having fun eating, drinking (with the exception of Yuffie who's only 16) and looking out for giant rats (who prefer brains to their normal mush) that have escaped from the zoo.  
  
Cid: *Drops his cigarette setting his beer alight*. Who the £^*& was that?  
  
Narrator: *Steps out of the shadowy corner*. Me you dumb @$$ blonde! *Whacks Cid over the head with her silver staff*.  
  
Cid: OWW!!!  
  
Cloud: Who's 'me'? *stops sharpening Ultima Weapon*  
  
Narrator: Tis I, Silvawolf. *Stretches out arms showing off her silver robe and unfurls black angel wings*. Queen of the wolves and mentor of this fan fiction. I can do and change whatever I want. *Silver robe glistens and empty beer cans do the tango*  
  
Yuffie: *stepping out of a closet looking pretty drunk* Prove it. *Realises the beer bottle in her hand and tries to hide it*  
  
Tifa: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!?!?!?!!!  
  
Silvawolf: The black wings, robe of pure silver and dancing cans not enough for you! Fine. Empty your pockets Yuffie and give Barret his materia back. On his birthday too and after you made a promise not to.  
  
All: *gasp*  
  
Yuffie: B.b.but? How.? *Empties pockets*.  
  
Aeris: How could you Yuffie!  
  
Sephiroth: Even I wouldn't do that on someone's birthday. *Looks at Aeris lovingly who winks back*  
  
All (except Aeris): AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Silvawolf: Shut up! Ah ears hurt. Don't worry I've got him under my control. I am the narrator. *To the audience* just between you and me I planted the materia.  
  
Red XII: This is stuff beyond belief. Someone akin to an angel in the room, Aeris and Sephiroth are alive ... This is weird.  
  
Silvawolf: And a talking lion with his tail on fire isn't unusual? Not to mention there are giant rats tearing up an old lady in the street.  
  
Red XII: *looks out the window* Oh yeah.  
  
Vincent: So why are you here?  
  
Silvawolf: Thought you'd never ask. I'm here to cure Yuffie, see the title. *Points up to title*.  
  
Yuffie; I'm NOT ill!!! *takes another swig of beer*  
  
Silvawolf: It's not your health (or drinking) I'm concerned about; it's your behaviour. Your stealing is kinda out of hand and it's called 'kleptomania'. It's usually related to seeking attention. It isn't doing you any good.  
  
Cait Sith: Hey you're the Narrator, can't you do change her now  
  
Silvawolf: It doesn't work like that. She has to change herself.  
  
Yuffie: Well no chance of that so I'll see ya later. *Starts walking towards the door but it disappears*. Hey! What happened to the door?  
  
Silvawolf: You're not going anywhere so have a seat. *Yuffie sits down on a chair. Ropes appear and bind Yuffie to the chair*.  
  
Yuffie: Hey! This isn't .*Yuffie suddenly loses her voice*  
  
Cid: If you can't £^*&!"% change Yuffie then how the *£!! are Sephiroth and the flower babe acting like that? *Points to Sephy with his arm around Aeris who are sitting on the sofa sharing a bottle of Reef*.  
  
Silvawolf: I don't know but *whispers* I think they make a great couple so I think they should be left alone for now.  
  
Tifa: But why is Sephiroth being nice?  
  
Silvawolf: I said to him if he weren't a good boy I'd send him back to the Lifestream without Aeris. It's working so far. Anyway all those in favour of Yuffie being cured say 'aye'.  
  
All (except Yuffie): Aye!!!  
  
Silvawolf: That settles it! Tomorrow I try to find a cure for Yuffie.  
  
Cloud: What do you plan to do? *Goes back to sharpening Ultima Weapon*  
  
Silvawolf: I've got a book at home that might help. Anyway I've gotta go. See ya later Yuffie! *Makes to walk through the door but walks into a brick wall instead*. Oww, oops, I forgot about that. *Door reappears*. Bye-bye! *Walks out door and flies away.  
  
*The ropes tying yuffie to the chair fall apart*  
  
Yuffie: .*takes yet another swig*  
  
Cloud: I guess things are going to be a bit strange from now on. Yuffie is going to change.  
  
Vincent: Yeah, that'll be the day it rains cows and pigs fly playing tennis.  
  
*Outside a cow with a broken neck falls out of the sky landing on the remains of the same elderly woman the rats where eating and two pigs fly past with tennis racquets*  
  
Pig 1: I told you, you hit the ball too high!  
  
Pig 2: No you didn't!  
  
Vincent: Huh!?!  
  
Silvawolf's Voice: Anything can happen! But. only one cow fell from the sky and the pigs weren't actually playing tennis.  
  
Yuffie: I'LL NEVER CHANGE AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!!!  
  
Silvawolf's Voice: Ah my ears hurt (where are my ears?). You're right I can't make you. You have to do that yourself. with a little help of course.  
  
Yuffie: AWW . PANTS!!!  
  
******************************************************************  
  
What can I say apart from enjoy!  
  
silvawolf ^-^ 


	2. chapter 2

Well, I didn't expect anyone to review but those who did are now receiving star smiley faces *^-^* . Anywho . I STILL don't own FF7 or any of the characters . yet *evil grin*. But there is one I do own- that's Silvawolf (should be because that's me- I hope.)  
  
Yuffie's Cure.  
  
Chapter 2. (At Nibelheim- that happens to be the homeland of the Giant Flesh-eating Rats)  
  
(At an inn)  
  
Silvawolf: *dusts her white T-shirt and overly pale jeans* Now, last episode, we saw me reviving Aeris and Sephy who can't live without each other. I also turned Yuffie's life upside down and here she is. *Cue a bound and gagged Yuffie being dragged in shot by Cloud and Sephiroth*  
  
Cloud: You're serious about this whole 'cure Yuffie' thing then?  
  
Silvawolf: *looks at Yuffie who stares back at her in the 'puppy eyes' fashion*. Absolutely!  
  
Sephiroth: Better you than us!!!  
  
Green light erupts from the floor and a booming sound echoes through the area.  
  
Silvawolf: Fancy that! The Lifestream is calling.  
  
Sephiroth: Err . toodles! *Runs away*.  
  
Silvawolf: I thought I told you to make sure her journey was comfortable. *Removes Yuffie's bandana which the used to gag her*.  
  
Yuffie: Grrrrrr! *Tries to bite Silvawolf and Cloud*  
  
Silvawolf: Hey, hey! No biting.  
  
Cloud: AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LEG!!!!!!!  
  
*Aeris and Tifa arrive. Tifa held Yuffie in a chokehold while Aeris pushed her fingertips to Yuffie's temples. Yuffie passes out. *  
  
Tifa: Wow, could you teach me that! *Cloud shifts nervously*  
  
Aeris: You're scared Cloud will run off with someone else, *Cloud moves tensely again* yeah, sure!  
  
Cloud: W-w-where d-did you l-learn that? *Gulp*  
  
Aeris: Silvawolf taught me. She figures it might be useful if I'm going out with an angel-winged demon.  
  
Tifa: He didn't have wings a minute ago.  
  
Aeris: He does at night *giggle*. He flew me to the stars last night and we danced on Saturn's rings. We can't die until Silvawolf says so. We're going to make the most of being alive.  
  
Cloud: Since when would you spend a night with him? He's . evil.  
  
Aeris: Since he said he loved me.  
  
Silvawolf: Red! Have you searched Yuffie for weapons, bangles and materia?  
  
Red XIII: Yes your Highness. *Bows to the ground* Will anything else be required of me?  
  
Cid: T' h£!! was all that about?  
  
Silvawolf: I believe Red finds me very persuasive. Here Red, get the yarn! *Throws a ball of wool to Red XII*  
  
Red XII: *plays with the yarn making cute kitten-like purring sounds*. Mmmm . yarn. Prrrrrr. *starts to chew on the yarn*  
  
Silvawolf: Well if it keeps him happy then that's all that matters. Barret, bring the Book of Spiritual & Mental Healing (if that's a bit of a mouthful then look at the volume itself!)  
  
Barret: *puff . pant . wheeze* where - do you - want - it?  
  
Silvawolf: I'll take it from here. *Waves hand and the gargantuan volume levitates and slowly starts turning the pages*  
  
Barret: !!! *Silent gnashing*  
  
Vincent: *appearing like out of nowhere* Look at this! A 'complete voodoo' and 'vampire chronicles'? Can I borrow this sometime?  
  
Silvawolf: Only if you can carry the book *sees Vinnie's disappointed look* oh hold on . the pages can be removed *tears the pages from the centuries old manuscript*  
  
Vincent: Yay!!! *His red eyes glow with delight as he sits in a dark corner of the room* ooh, the world record for blood draining is 160 pints in an hour, although the holder was in hospital for 5 days afterwards.  
  
Tifa: Why?  
  
Silvawolf: He had to have his stomach pumped because he wasn't really a vampire, just a wanna-be. Any way if Yuffie could just wake up for me, *Yuffie stays slumped on the floor* I said IT YUFFIE COULD JUST WAKE UP FOR ME!!!!!  
  
Yuffie: HUH? What happening? *Shakes head groggily*  
  
Silvawolf: Hi! Welcome back! Time for 'twenty questions'. Yuffie how long have you been a materia hunter?  
  
Yuffie: Since I started training to be a ninja, that's since I was 6.  
  
Silvawolf: Do you know that stealing is wrong?  
  
Yuffie: No.  
  
Silvawolf: Do you like being caught?  
  
Yuffie: *thinks carefully (sort of)* Yes.  
  
*This carries on for 10 minutes so I'll skip that*  
  
Silvawolf: Do you look at stealing as a game?  
  
Yuffie: What is this, twenty questions? Yeah, it's the ONLY game to play!  
  
Silvawolf: Lastly . do you enjoy it?  
  
Yuffie: Yeah.  
  
Cait Sith: Calculating all responses *Cait makes funny whirring noises* kleptomaniac test- positive.  
  
Cloud: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Silvawolf: It means that little ninja here likes nothing better than to knick people's stuff.  
  
Barret: Now tell us sumthin' we don't know foo'!  
  
Silvawolf: There's 6 possible ways to stop it. And remedy no.1 is shopping.  
  
Yuffie: Yay! Where we going?  
  
Silvawolf: Just up the road to . the Materia store  
  
All: NO!!!  
  
Yuffie: Yay!  
  
Cid: Da' H£!! FOR!?!  
  
Silvawolf: Really Cid, if you knew anything you'd know that people need to learn self-discipline. Oh sorry you were born eccentric and wouldn't know.  
  
Cid: *mumbles* Stupid^$%"$&$&*% malicious $&*&^$**(&evil$£*(%$£)&%£&  
  
*outside the infamous bunch of rats tear up the old lady who is now sporting crutches*  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
That special 'cure' will have to wait for now. I'm busy with . stuff.  
  
I can just imagine a cow falling out of the sky  
  
*The 'mentioned previously cow (not Yuffie) in the last chapter' (blue with pink spots) lands to my right inches away from tarnishing my new white out fit and be sent to hell*  
  
Eww it's already dead! I hope Vincent is reading that book carefully  
  
*Screen shot of Vinny pouring through the Vampire Chronicles*  
  
Anyway, bye for now! silvawolf^-^ *flies away* 


	3. chapter 3

Well Cloud-Bahamut, it looks like I'm writing for only one person (three guesses who!). It's fun though, sitting here wrapped in a fur rug getting covered with fluff and drinking sugary coffee/hot chocolate watching the nights get darker- and darker- and darker. listening to Sephy's theme (I know I'm sad). Anywho. a quick recap, the gang are going shopping and Red is pining for his yarn.  
  
Silvawolf: I don't own FF7! So HA! *(Mumbles) Stupid lawyers won't find me anyhow*  
  
Bunch of Angry Looking Lawyers: WANNA BET!!!!!!  
  
Silvawolf: Uh oh! *Flies out of reach but the lawyers pull out rail guns*  
  
Lawyers: SURRENDER!!!!!!!!  
  
Silvawolf: Aw cr@p! Wait, what's this? *Pulls out 'death materia' and casts EXTINCT*  
  
Lawyers: x_x  
  
Yuffie's Cure.  
  
Chapter 3. (Outside the Nibelhiem Materia Store)  
  
Yuffie: Wow! Can I have that?  
  
Silvawolf: Nah, it's too risky for a kid like you.  
  
Yuffie: True . wait you're only 14!  
  
Silvawolf: -_-' Shut up!  
  
Yuffie: Gonna get some materia, gonna get some materia, gonna get some materia. YAY!  
  
Silvawolf: Actually we're gonna test your skill and mentality.  
  
*At this point everyone bursts out laughing, including the rats and the old lady on crutches who collapses and dies. (Hey she died HAPPY)*  
  
Yuffie: That was aimed at me! This isn't fair!  
  
Cloud: I'll tell you what's not fair, *All wait expectantly*, Barret's bum!  
  
*Now this is the part where the laughter crescendo except Barret and Sephy are not laughing*  
  
Sephiroth: I don't get it.  
  
Tifa: (though giggle out bursts). Oh come on, what colour is Barret's bum?  
  
Sephiroth: (hazards a guess) Purple?  
  
*Barret dashes to the nearest rest room (with happened to be the ladies [imagine the screaming]) and comes back infuriated*  
  
Barret: It's BLACK ya foo'!  
  
Silvawolf: Okay . anyways, Barret's bum is not 'fair' as in 'pale'. Do you get it now?  
  
Sephiroth: (works it out) Oh yeah, MWA-HAA-HAA-HAA-HAA-HAA!!!!!  
  
Red XIII: Are we going to cure Yuffie or not?  
  
Yuffie: NOT!  
  
Silvawolf: 'course we are.  
  
*All enter the Materia Store and Vincent hides in the darkest corner reading the Vampire Chronicles, again*  
  
Yuffie: Oooohhhh, Aaaahhhhh, *drools over the glass cases filled with rare materia*  
  
**THWACK** (Yuffie gets hit over the head with Silvawolf's staff)  
  
Yuffie: OWWW! *Anime lump appears on her head*  
  
Cloud: So how is this going to cure Yuffie?  
  
Silva wolf: Like this. Vincent, come here please. *Vincent obeys the Queen of Light with black angel wings*. Hold still for a moment, *orange cords spring out of nowhere and tie Vincent up. Vincent over balances and falls over*.  
  
Vincent: What are you doing? HELP!  
  
*Vincent suddenly appears hanging over a giant tank filled with Zolems and Hojo. The robe starts breaking. *  
  
All: AAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Yuffie continues screaming (it sound rather like a VERY high pitched sonic boom) and Hojo rolls around the Zolem tank in agony.Yuffie stops*.  
  
Cid: %*&£&@? &*&? @^&^$*"! $~#$(&($£^**%  
  
Hojo: Mya-haa-haa-haa-haa! I'm alive, *laughs weakly*. My head hurts. which one of you samples screamed like a moogle with no Christmas presents?  
  
All: *look at each other knowingly*  
  
Cid: Ninja gal, do that damned scream again. *All except Hojo shield their ears with a fluffy pair of earmuffs*  
  
*Yuffie does her 'sonic boom banshee' scream. After a while Hojo passes out.*  
  
Barret: Uh oh!  
  
Cloud: What?  
  
Barret: All da girls have a devious way o' knocking us out. *Girls look at each other knowingly*  
  
Cid: We're all £^#!"% doomed!  
  
*At this point Yuffie realises Vincent is still in trouble but can't make up her mind whether to get the materia or to save her loved one. The rope tears a bit more. Yuffie makes up her mind*  
  
**SNAP! **  
  
Vincent: HELP!!!  
  
**SMASH!**  
  
*Vincent gets chewed on by the Zolems, the glass case of rare materia is now broken and materia free, and the door slams shut. (All of the above happens in the space of 3 seconds)*  
  
Aeris: Well that was kinda .  
  
Silvawolf: .screwed up!  
  
Vincent: AAARRGGGHHHHH!!!!! HELP ME!!! *Zolem tank vanishes leaving a battered and boo-booed Vincent sitting in the middle of the room*  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Now then, that went randomly well. I'll accept all nice reviews. Also look out for my other fanfic 'Sirea Rose' and other stuff in the future related to FF7.  
  
(Sirea Rose is not as random as Yuffie's Cure but it's still readable. Heck, read it anyway!)  
  
*Cid: (in the background) %$&$£^%obnoxious%$^$$£^&)&$ planned this .(fades out)  
  
silvawolf ^-^ 


	4. chapter 4 Christmas Special!

I'm beginning to think its completely pointless writing this for only one persons enjoyment, i.e. Cloud-Bahamut. Anywho.  
  
Silvawolf: I do not (unfortunately) own any of the FF7 characters but.I do own Silvawolf (me of course), the blue/pink cows, the Giant Flesh Eating Rats, the old lady (now deceased), and that's about it. Now that's done the lawyers can't get me (I own them too! *hee-hee*).  
  
Lawyers: x_x  
  
Silvawolf: Oh yeah, they're dead.  
  
Cloud: Can we get on with this?  
  
Yuffie's Cure (do you think we'll actually find a cure?)  
  
Chapter 4. (Back outside Tifa's Bar).  
  
*Everyone had been searching Yuffie for 9 days but they returned to the bar with no luck whatsoever* (This brings us up to Christmas Eve!)  
  
Silvawolf: Any luck finding her?  
  
All: *Shake heads**Blackish-grey clouds gather above*  
  
Tifa: Let's go get a drink. *All enter bar. Tifa makes drinks for everyone*  
  
Cid: *After a few of beers (don't know how many exactly)* I going for pi$$.  
  
Tifa: Upstairs and to the right, just remember to lift the lid this time.  
  
Cid: I was £^"%ing drunk! *Mutters some more naughty words and goes upstairs*  
  
(Now for a quick drum roll *drums from Cosmo Canyon play in the background for 6 seconds*)  
  
**AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH** (sonic boom banshee scream)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
In a galaxy far, far away, the children and teachers of Perth High look up from their work and hear a loud blood-curdling scream- rather like that of that girl in the shower from Psycho.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Cid: HELP! UMF! (Or a sound equally similar to someone getting something thrown in their mouth)  
  
Silvawolf: I think he found Yuffie. *Flexes wings*  
  
Barret: So tha's where she bin a' this time!  
  
Cid: (Half staggers/falls down stairs covered in toilet roll and with a bar of lavender soap in his mouth) *spits out the soap first* BLEUGH! £&$&&^$**%££)^&*%%$$£thief %£! &&%covered me in "%^$(&% bog roll!!! %£^*$£^&soap!!!  
  
Sephiroth: Barett, could you translate that?  
  
Barett: He said the damned thief was using the bathroom and threw bog roll at him then threw the soap in his face.  
  
Silvawolf: Well, we'll just get her to come downstairs *claps hands and Yuffie appears in the middle of the room, she shoves something back in her pocket*  
  
*All aim weapons at Yuffie and a pack of five Nibel Wolves burst in and surround Yuffie*  
  
Silvawolf: Did I introduce you to the pack? They are, in a sense, my summons. *a particularly brutal looking wolf started licking Silvawolf's fingers, she throws him a bone*  
  
Evil Wolf: Gna-gna-mmm.*CRUNCH* (the bone that is)  
  
Yuffie: *Looks out the window in disbelief* Whoa! No way!!!  
  
*All look and to our surprise Yuffie doesn't run off (she really is in shock)*  
  
Silvawolf: IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Thick snow falls outside* I have just such clothing for such occasions. *Wings encase her then open up revealing wine-red and white fur winter garments*  
  
Cloud: What about us?  
  
*Silvawolf snaps her fingers and everyone is now wearing fur or velvet clothes*  
  
Silvawolf: You won't even feel the cold  
  
Cait Sith: (Reeve over radio) This isn't fair! I'm stuck.elsewhere while your having fun! Wait, where's my snowmobile? *Static then an engine is herd on Cait's radio* See ya in five!  
  
Sephiroth: Reeve is coming? Haven't seen him for, how long?  
  
Yuffie: Well.since Reeve's not at the other end he won't mind me 'borrowing' this *Starts dragging the Cait Sith robot outside. All follow*  
  
*Yuffie pulls Cait to the edge of a forest then puts two giant snowballs on top of the Mog, adds a couple of twig arms then two green materia eyes, and to finish puts Cait on top*  
  
Yuffie: There now! What do ya think? *They congratulate*  
  
Aeris: Wow that's cool! *PUN ^-^*  
  
Barret: Couldn't a' dun betta masel'! (He doesn't know he's wearing fluffy, pink earmuffs!)  
  
Vincent: *Whistles*  
  
Sephiroth: Cloud, come here! *Pulls on Cloud's blue scarf, smashes a snowball in his hair ('neatly' spiked) then rubs it in, with his knuckles! *  
  
Cloud: Ack! NO! I don't want a noogie!!! Arrgghhh!!!! HELP!  
  
Sephiroth: I never did forgive you for killing me.  
  
Aeris: And I never quite forgave you for killing me either! *Throws a snowball at Sephiroth*  
  
Sephiroth: Ow!  
  
Tifa: Hey Cait Sith can play music! *Slides Gold Saucer disk in his mouth*  
  
Vincent and Sephy: SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *All lob snowballs at each other*  
  
*Yuffie hides the Mog's eyes then Cid throws a couple of snowballs into the snow-Cait's.midsection*  
  
Cid: Haa haa! Look at that, Cait's got £^#&*$& man boobs!  
  
*Roar of an engine is heard coming through the forest. It turns out to be someone astride a snowmobile (guess who!) who dismounts and comes towards our group of heroes*  
  
Red: The mysterious fellow before us would appear to be.  
  
Silvawolf: Reeve! How was the journey? *Reeve shudders at the sight of the Nibel Wolves*  
  
Reeve: *As he was about to speak when ten snowballs whizzed through the air and collided with the unfortunate Reeve* ARGH!!! *One hits him in the.private parts* OWW!!!  
  
Yuffie: Oh! Sorry! *Evil laugh*  
  
Aeris: (uses Ice materia to make an ice barrier) We'll split into teams  
  
*So Aeris, Tifa, Vincent, Reeve, Cid and Red go on one team and Sephiroth, Cloud, Yuffie, Barret and Silvawolf on the other*  
  
All: Bombardment!  
  
*They all throw snowballs at each other for 2 hours and it still hasn't stopped snowing- nobody ever noticed a shimmering light coming from a certain Summon material in Yuffie's pocket*  
  
Yuffie: *thinks to self* Thank God we're next to forest- Shiva is quite well hidden.  
  
Silvawolf: (did I tell you she was psychic?) *using ESP communication* Yuffie that's very clever but that can be our little secret, I won't tell!  
  
Yuffie: *smiles weakly* Heh! (Throws a snowball at Tifa who punches it then throws one back)  
  
Silvawolf: Sephy, hold still.  
  
Sephiroth: What are you.oh right. *Silvawolf climbs on Sephiroth's back then he passes her a snowball. She throws it at Reeve then throws another at Cid*  
  
Cid: (was trying to light a cigarette on Red's tail but when the snowball hit Cid ended up getting lit) AAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Silvawolf: YES!!! (Tries to punch the air but forgets she's sitting on Sephiroth's shoulders, so she falls) Help!!!  
  
**THUD**  
  
All of Tifa's team: *they throw snowballs at Silvawolf, except Reeve because Barret just brained him with a mega sized ball of ice and snow*  
  
Reeve: *_@  
  
(Barret was about to throw another mega snowball when Red pounced on him causing the snowball to fall on both of them, mostly on Red)  
  
Red: *_@  
  
Barret: *_@  
  
(Later after the snow melted and everyone got dried they all stopped for warmed drinks at Tifa's New Improved Seventh Heaven, Vincent sits in the corner reading the Vampire Chronicles)  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Alright I know this was very long an' all but I think it's worth it. If you couldn't tell this was my attempt at making it more.  
  
Cloud: *helpfully*.stupid?  
  
Silvawolf: FESTIVE! (Glares at Cloud who runs and hides) Anywho.  
  
All (Including the Rats, Nibel Wolves, Old Lady and whatever Random Someone happens to be here): MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
silvawolf ^-^ 


	5. chapter 5

Oh gosh I'm so so so sorry! *kicks computer* STUPID VIRUS! Anyway I'm back now. Thank you Cloud-Bahamut, bahamutslave, Haruko-2020 and BJ Louis for reviewing.  
  
Silvawolf: Hi there, Rude decided he'd like to help do the disclaimer for me.  
  
Rude:.........(shrugs shoulders then walks off)  
  
Silvawolf: Thanks Rude!  
  
Yuffie's Cure. (Finding the cure might take a while)  
  
Chapter 5 (We're getting somewhere!)  
  
*Silvawolf flies down to earth (today wearing black satin- no, silk clothes, a silver scarf, wings are feathered and gleaming white) and meets everyone outside Tifa's Bar. Yuffie has 'vanished' again. Nibel Wolf comes along looking pleased with himself. (The brutal looking one, remember him?)*  
  
Silvawolf: Hello Roku, why are you grinning like that? Are you plotting something?  
  
Roku: Damn right!  
  
All: He talked! (All except Silvawolf stare at the wolf, especially Red XIII)  
  
Roku: *ignores the others* I have a way to find Yuffie. We all shout "materia" at the same time.  
  
Tifa: That might work.  
  
Roku: After 3 then... 1... 2......3!  
  
All: MATERIA!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yuffie: *Jumps out a bush* WHERE!!! *Stops and realises she just blew her hiding place* Oh... PANTS!!! Again! OK, I'm here now what torture do you have prepared for me today.  
  
Silvawolf: *Snaps her fingers and everyone is outside a very large mansion* Today you are going to volunteer your services.  
  
Yuffie: No, absolutely not! One- I gave up on selling myself a long time ago..... Two....  
  
Sephiroth: Stop her! She's driving me nuts!  
  
Aeris: I agree. Come on Sephy, lets go fly to the Bahamas or something.  
  
Sephiroth: Good idea. *Both sprout wings and fly off*  
  
Yuffie: No fair.  
  
All: I'll tell you what's not fair! *At this point Barret runs off and returns saying "It's not purple!"*  
  
(I don't think I need to go into details if you've read a certain previous chapter- I forget which)  
  
Vincent: Speaking of chapters..... *Sits down and continues reading the Vampire Chronicles* Oooh, Gothic Rituals, this is interesting.  
  
Silvawolf: Not that sort of services if you call that service, Yuffie. No I mean helping a family who are very much in need of your help.  
  
Cait Sith: You see, ever since the mother of this family died they've been unable to find anyone to care for her only daughter, Emiko. Her father works abroad most of the time and she is left with the caretakers of the mansion. *Cait Sith malfunctioned and blew a fuse*  
  
Reeve (over the radio): GOD DAMN IT!!! Not again.  
  
Red XIII: Emiko gets very lonely on her own and needs a friend.  
  
Yuffie: *Wipes a tear from eye* That's the saddest thing I ever heard, where is she?  
  
Silvawolf: *Points to a window on the twelfth floor of the mansion*  
  
Yuffie: *Runs off to the font door, then knocks rather louder than necessary* Let me in, I have to save a girl from the clutches of insanity! *Everyone catches up with Yuffie. The door opens to reveal the monster within (seriously!)*  
  
All: Rufus? *Told you there was a monster ^-^*  
  
Yuffie: *grabs Rufus by the neck and pins him against a wall*. What have you done with Emiko! Wait aren't supposed to be dead  
  
Rufus: ACK! Lemme go! *Yuffie releases him* Emiko is my little sister  
  
Cloud: I feel real sorry for her. That would make.... President Shinra her dad?!?! God I feel so sorry for her.  
  
Rufus: Shut up Hedgehog *Cloud touches his hair comfortingly* Emiko is upstairs on the top floor in her room playing. And no, I didn't die I was using a stunt double.  
  
Barret: Damn ya foo'! Why can't ya jist stay dead  
  
Yuffie: Alright, lets mosey!  
  
Cloud: That's my line!!!  
  
Cid: Why can't either of you use a word other than *shivers* "mosey". AGRHH!!! *Rinses his mouth out with salt water then lights another fag*  
  
(On their left is a staircase and they decide to go up)  
  
Barret: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I vow'd never t' go up any more stairs!  
  
*They all ignore him and start ascending the staircase*  
  
Barret: Hey! Wait up!  
  
*First floor*  
  
Barret: Are we there yet?  
  
Cloud: Oh no not again ( '-_- )  
  
Tifa: Not yet.  
  
Silvawolf: Whoa! Déjà vu! *They all give her funny looks* What? I get loads of déjà vu.  
  
*Fifth floor*  
  
Barret: Are we there yet?  
  
Cid: $&@£&%#^£!!!  
  
Tifa: Not yet.  
  
*Ninth floor*  
  
Barret: Yo! Tifa.........  
  
All: NO!  
  
Cid: £&£*^$%&^%*$^(%$#£"%"(%(&+£@~#*!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Barret: I were only gonna ask if anyone has t' time.  
  
Yuffie: Don't know don't care 'cause we're trying to save a girl from the clutches of insanity here!  
  
Vincent: Too late for you though  
  
*Forth floor*  
  
Cid: What the hell? We're $&*^%#* going backwards!  
  
*Twelfth floor*  
  
Barret: Are we there yet?  
  
Tifa: No! We're way far from the top so just *walks into door reading "Twelfth Floor"* OW! Oh, maybe we are.  
  
Barret: If I eva see any more stairs.........  
  
*After exploring for 10 minutes they find Emiko in a nursery playing with spoons. Dressed entirely in pink with her long blond hair in bunches she looks really.........*  
  
Yuffie: CUTE!!!  
  
Silvawolf: I was going to say scary. No one wears that amount of pink in a dark room.  
  
Emiko: (looks up with BIG blue eyes) Hello  
  
All: Awwww!  
  
Cid: Damn kid *begins to go red in the face* I NEED TO SWEAR!!! *Runs out the room incoherent noises are heard from beyond outside*  
  
Silvawolf: So do you think you could look after Emiko for say, two hours?  
  
Yuffie: Yeah sure!  
  
Cloud: We'll just nip out for lunch OK!  
  
Barret: (Goes pure white, if that's possible)  
  
Vincent: I saw a lift just down the hall so don't worry Barret, no more stairs.  
  
Barret: !!! *Silent gnashing*  
  
*For two hours they ate in the kitchen, Aeris and Sephy returned (he was covered in lipstick kisses ^-^), Vincent read up on the Gothic Rituals, Cait Sith blew another fuse and they generally talked about random stuff. They go back up in the lift, open the nursery door to find......... *  
  
Silvawolf: Yuffie, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!  
  
*Yuffie is sitting in the middle of the floor teaching Emiko the secrets of stealing Materia *  
  
Yuffie: *tries to hide the Materia but fails* Erm......... nothing. I'm not doing anything.  
  
Aeris: You've just corrupted the mind of that poor child! Have you any shame?  
  
Emiko: Auntie Yuffie, why are those people mad?  
  
All: Auntie Yuffie!?!?  
  
Yuffie: Pay no attention to them. *Aeris teleports behind the kleptomaniac and pushes her fingertips to Yuffie's forehead*  
  
Sephiroth: Now tell us, why did you let Yuffie look after Emiko for TWO HOURS?  
  
Silvawolf: Usually when the mind is preoccupied you forget about everything else. This sometimes helps when getting over a bad habit. *Looks at Cid's cigarette disapprovingly*  
  
Cid: Hell no!  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
I'm really sorry for this delay, can you forgive me? If so I'll give you a daisy or a pink lily. Now this chapter was a bit longer than normal.  
  
Silvawolf: Yay! I'm feeling kinda hyper cause I'm 15 on Thursday. *Fireworks go off in the distance*  
  
Aeris: *gives Silvawolf a white Materia which glows blue*  
  
Silvawolf: A Truck Summon Materia, thank you. It looks like moonstone. You know, it might come in handy later.  
  
I'll see y'all soon!  
  
silvawolf ^-^ 


	6. chapter 6

Thank you Cloud-Bahamut, Dr Wilopolis, Mantichorus, bahamutslave and Haruko- 2020 for reviewing, you shall receive a daisy or a pink lily of your choice. And thank you to Mantichorus for wishing me a 'Happy Birthday'. Well...... Rude did the disclaimer last time so it's....... Reno's time for a moment of fame.  
  
Silvawolf: Just read that little piece of paper.  
  
Reno: *Hands on hips* No.  
  
Silvawolf: *Steals his Electro-mag Rod and prods Reno*  
  
Reno: Owweee! Silvawolf doesn't own anything from FF7 or me! They belong to Squaresoft but she does own the flying pigs playing tennis and the pink/blue cows and herself.  
  
Silvawolf: But you have to appreciate this and many people don't. Without Squaresoft there would be no FF7 or any other Final Fantasy game for that matter so I am very grateful for Hironobu Sakaguchi and disclaimers.  
  
Lawyers: *They go home disappointed*  
  
Yuffie's Cure (There is a cure......)  
  
Chapter 6 (......I just haven't found one yet )  
  
Red XIII: There is a cure, your Majesty?  
  
Silvawolf: Of course there is. I read somewhere that there is a balance for everything, everything has an opposite and every problem has a solution.  
  
Red XIII: What a fascinating hypothesis *Silvawolf throws Red a ball of wool* YARN!!!! *Chases after it*  
  
Barret: Huh?  
  
Cloud: It means 'what a cool idea'.  
  
Sephiroth: You know for a blond you catch on quick.  
  
Cloud: Why thank you, I ...... HEY! (Draws his Ultima Weapon and leaps towards Sephiroth, but Aeris steps in the way) Aw NO!!!  
  
*This is the part where an awkward situation occurs. Cloud stabs Aeris right through her middle by accident. She dies. Barret starts crying*  
  
Yuffie: Stand back. (Pulls out a Phoenix Down and applies it to Aeris) WHY didn't anyone think to use a Phoenix Down in the game?  
  
Aeris: (Wakes up) What happened? Oh, what happened to Emiko? Is she OK?  
  
Silvawolf: She's fine; I used a Memory Materia on her so that she wouldn't remember the (ahem!) lessons from Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie: Rats! *This is meant as a cry of defeat and a cry of alarm because the Giant Flesh-Eating Rats that had escaped from the zoo were coming their way! *  
  
Tifa: Everyone inside! *They all rush into the bar and lock the door, barricade the windows and Cid makes sure the Rats won't come down the chimney by lighting the fire with the help of Red's tail and Red attacks Cid*  
  
Cait Sith: Now what?  
  
Tifa: There's hardly anything in the larder.  
  
Aeris: I'll have to go get supplies by airmail then *Sprouts wings, turns round and knocks over a large priceless vase* Oh...... damn it!  
  
Tifa: I wondered when that thing would go, I hated it!  
  
Vincent: You couldn't nip out and fetch the Vampire Chronicles anyone? I left it on top of the well. *They all glare at him*  
  
Barret: We're screwed!  
  
*As if things could get worse the ground starts shaking*  
  
(THUD)  
  
All: EARTHQUAKE!!!  
  
(THUD)  
  
Red XIII: Look there on the horizon *Peering through the assortment of furniture blocking the nearest widow* (THUD) There appears to be a large object bouncing towards us. (THUD)  
  
*Everyone looks out the window one at a time until (THUD) Sephiroth realises who it is*  
  
Sephiroth: Oh $#*^!!! It's (THUD) Palmer on a pogo stick!  
  
Cid: ^(*^%#^$ (THUD) "&^&$#%^$£!!!!! &^&£* (THUD) $£&#@!!!!!!!  
  
*Sure enough (THUD) Palmer bouncing along on pogo stick towards the (THUD) misfortunate group. As well as creating seismic shockwaves he also makes very large craters with each boing (THUD)*  
  
(THUD)......(THUD)......*Palmer stops outside the bar and presses his ugly face against the window and pulls faces, the Rats run away*  
  
Silvawolf: We're all doomed! Hang on... (Pulls Truck Materia out of her pocket) I forgot about this (uses it on Palmer)  
  
*Out of nowhere a golden 10-ton truck with its horn blaring runs Palmer over and then disappears. The Rats come back to investigate the mess but decide that Palmer doesn't taste very nice and go back to watch the bar for any signs of a live meal*  
  
Barret: We're still SCREWED!!!!  
  
Cait Sith: I didn't think they were so picky. If the rats don't eat Palmer (shivers and sticks out tongue) and no one is gonna scrape his remains off the tarmac then what's gonna happen to it. *The flies that gathered around the carcase passed out*  
  
Red XIII: When I was yet a cub at Cosmo Canyon and there was a lack of education we had a special social gathering organised by Bugenhagen. One where the hosts of the event give away their own possessions for the benefit of others. This was called 'potlatch' and the guests were expected to host their own parties in return.  
  
Yuffie: Sounds fun! Can we have a go!  
  
Silvawolf: Red, Aeris, Tifa! Can I have a word? *They discuss in private for a while then Aeris and Sephy fly off though a wall (Don't ask how) with a list of stuff. Tifa starts serving drinks. *  
  
Silvawolf: I want everyone to go home and get some of your possessions and bring them back here.  
  
Cloud: Just one question. How are we going to get out of here when there's at least twenty Flesh Eating Rats outside?  
  
Silvawolf: I already thought about that. I'm going to give you all a magic bell and when you ring it you shall appear at your house. To get back you just have to ring it again. Simple. Just don't lose it. They're brand new!  
  
*Silvawolf gives Cloud, Barret, Yuffie, Cait Sith, Red, Cid and Vincent a tiny, multi coloured bell and they all ring it. Tifa doesn't because she lives in the bar*  
  
*Cloud disappears*  
  
*Cait Sith disappears*  
  
*Yuffie disappears*  
  
*Red XIII disappears*  
  
*Vincent disappears*  
  
*Barret disappears*  
  
Cid: %*(%£ Mine didn't %&* work!!!! £&%& Stupid (%*($*BELL!!! *throws the bell away in anger (CLANG!) then disappears (PPHHFF!)*  
  
Silvawolf: That was NOT supposed to happen. Cid left his  
  
Tifa: Now what?  
  
Silvawolf: I suggest you get stuff to give away while I sort out the decorations and food (Snaps her fingers) There, all done. I wonder how the others are doing?  
  
*#**#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*  
  
*Cloud is next door (it was his house after all) collecting stuff*  
  
Cloud: What am I gonna bring? *Picks up a stack of Self-Defence Books* These will do. I'm good enough at fighting so I don't need them. But what if I forget how to fight........ oh well. I wonder how the others are doing? *Rings his bell*  
  
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*  
  
*Cait Sith appears next to Reeve in a nice little house*  
  
Reeve: I did work! Haa Ha! Now what can I give away *looks at some old piles of paper work* Nah, I know I don't want them but no one else does either. What about a collectable bottle top! *Fetches a small box crammed full of (wait for it....) bottle tops! * Yeah they'll love em! I wonder how the others are doing? *Takes the bell off the Cait Sith robot and rings it*  
  
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*  
  
*Cid lands on a desert island and he doesn't have the bell*  
  
Cid: ^#@^%(£*$&£%@*%$%_&^&^*^(^$_(#("%"@^%^$*&%&!!!!!!!!!!! NOW &$&^*$ WHAT??? I bet even Barret's havin' better luck than me! $#*(!!!! £*%&%$^$*%*&%£*^£&( *Lights a fag* %(£^%*$ £& %& *&$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*  
  
*Well...... to be honest he's not. He's ... experimenting with the bell. He's found you can twist the hook at the top and go to different places but doesn't realise it's the screw for the little clangy bit inside*  
  
Barret: Come on! I wanna go home an' see Marline! *Hooks the bell onto his gun arm and tugs on the little clangy bit inside* ((SNAP)) Ooops.  
  
*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*  
  
*Yuffie is raking through her room looking for stuff to bring*  
  
Yuffie: I'm going to bring something everyone loves.......... Materia!  
  
Yuffie's-Inner-Voice: NO!!! Not my beloved Materia......  
  
Yuffie: Yes I'll bring Materia, I have thousands of them, maybe I am a little bit obsessed with the things......  
  
Yuffie's-Inner-Voice: But they're so pretty and sparkly and so full of magic and come in different colours, like marbles! Oh, maybe just some of the lesser ones then, the ones I won't miss. *Packs a bag full of green Materia that she'd mastered*  
  
Yuffie: I don't know why I worry about them; you can just buy them from a Materia Store...... Wait! You can't anymore!  
  
((Flashback)) When there are no more Mako reactors the production of Materia will cease.  
  
Yuffie: Ack! Oh hell with it! *Picks up the Materia Bag and rings the Bell*  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
What's gonna happen? By the way, the potlatch thing is real by the way. Native Americans preformed it once upon a time. The only reason I updated a little faster is because in on my Easter Hols at the moment giving me more time to write.  
  
Thanks again to my loyal troupe of reviewers. And I'll try to update Sirea Rose. Please review. Just click on that lil' purple button below... you know you want to.  
  
silvawolf ^-^ 


	7. chapter 7 and a moogle

First thanks to the usual gang of reviewers Cloud-Bahamut, Snakebite8, Dr.Wilopolis, Haruko-2020 and Mantichorus. Vincent is doing the disclaimer today because he's a former Turk.  
  
Vincent: I have nightmares, have slept in a coffin, FF7 is owned by Squaresoft and the sky is blue. (Sorry but I had to steal that from C-B, it was funny)  
  
Silvawolf: The only things I own are myself, The Giant Flesh-Eating Rats that have escaped from the zoo, the flying pigs playing tennis, the cows from the upper atmosphere and ((inhale)) this TOTALLY RANDOM PLOT!!! But surely you all knew that... heh... didn't you?  
  
**Yuffie's Cure** (Now back to the party in the making...)  
  
Chapter 7 (...and don't think you know where this is going)  
  
Silvawolf: I wonder where they've all got to?  
  
#As if right on cue Cloud, Red XIII, Yuffie, Vincent and Reeve appear with a little bag of goodies#  
  
Tifa: (Hands everyone a drink) Where's the others?  
  
Aeris and Sephiroth come back with supplies  
  
Aeris: Hey, we're back. Where's Cid and Barret?  
  
Yuffie: Err......  
  
Silvawolf: Oh great the inevitable happened, they screwed up! (Claps her hands and Cid and Barret appear in a heap on the floor) Where have you been! (Hands on hips and flexing her black wings menacingly)  
  
Cid: $(&)#'%%£"$&Geroff me! (Barret had landed on top of Cid and, well, he's quite heavy)  
  
Barret: (Stands up and tries to explain) I was just... erm... experimenting with the bell and... erm... it broke. (Shuffles nervously)  
  
Silvawolf: (The Queen of the Wolves jumps at the word 'broke' and cracks her head on the ceiling) OWW! (Rubs lump on the back of her head) IT BROKE!! But it was brand new! How can it just break? Next time remind me to give you one made of steel instead of a precious mental obtained from a rare meteorite. And YOU! (Points at Cid). You threw a perfectly good bell across the bar (Holds up the remains of it) And it broke! I should throw you into the blazing Pits of Doom....  
  
Vincent: By the way my book is still outside, could someone go and get it for me?

Barret: But the Rats are still outside!  
  
Tifa: Giant Flesh-Eating Rats... I guess that means Cloud'll be all right  
  
Aeris: Yeah, better leave it to Cloud!  
  
Red XIII: We're counting on you, Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Hey!! Wait a second!  
  
#All shove cloud out the door. After ten minutes of screaming and snarls and ripping noises Cloud comes back in with his shirt missing carrying a very shredded book and is covered in claw and bite marks#  
  
Tifa: (Sees Cloud's chest and hums her approval)  
  
Vincent: NOOO!!! The Vampire Chronicles! (Snatches the remains of the manuscript) Silvawolf can you fix it?  
  
Silvawolf: AGH!!! I lost it!  
  
Aeris: Lost what?  
  
Silvawolf: I've lost the plot!  
  
All: '--  
  
Cid: Tell us something we don't know! How the £% did you lose it (Confused at the prospect of someone losing the plot)  
  
Silvawolf: I didn't loose it, it was stolen. By a fluffy purple Moogle.  
  
#Everyone is quite puzzled now#  
  
Cloud: Now somehow wearing a new shirt How can a Moogle, especially a fluffy purple one, steal the plot? What good is the plot to.... one of them?  
  
Silvawolf: This is the worst thing that could happen though! If someone has the plot they can control the story. (They all gasp) This means the party is postponed for now. (Bigger gasp)  
  
Sephiroth: So you're saying that whoever has the plot is able to control the story (Silvawolf eyes him suspiciously). What? Just asking (snigger).  
  
Silvawolf: Uh huh... sure. But we have to find it.  
  
Aeris: What does it look like?  
  
Silvawolf: A small dragon  
  
Red XIII: Well it couldn't have got far; I mean the house is surrounded by the Giant Flesh-Eating Rats.  
  
#The door opens and slams#  
  
Tifa: I have a feeling the Moogle's not in the house anymore. (Looks out the window and the rats are gone).  
  
Cloud: Lets go!  
  
Barret: Go where?  
  
Cloud: After the fluffy purple Moogle of course.  
  
Yuffie: Let Silvawolf go after it herself. She's the one who lost the plot.  
  
#Lightning strikes everyone#  
  
All: I'm gonna KILL that damn Moggle!  
  
#Now somehow they appear at... a Chocabo Ranch?#  
  
Sephiroth: What are we doing here?  
  
Silvawolf: I'm sensing some sort of mischievous Moogle activity here  
  
Moogle holding the Plot: Kupo!  
  
Cid: There it is!  
  
#Moogle disappears behind a barrel of Greens#  
  
(They all appear at Costa del Sol)  
  
Silvawolf: There he goes!  
  
Vincent: It's chewing on it!  
  
Silvawolf: Oh great... wait that's a real bad thing!  
####################################################################Will I ever get the plot back? Will the party go on and will Yuffie give up her obsession with Materia?  
  
Yuffie: I'm NOT obsessed!  
  
Silvawolf: OK, but your in denial.  
  
Yuffie: No I'm not!  
  
Silvawolf: See. Please review... oh, I have more ideas in mind but they won't be exposed until I've finished this. Not long now I suppose... 


	8. chapter 8 thank you and goodnight!

Today I really can't be bothered with a disclaimer, you've already read (counts to self) one, two, three... seven of them by now. I draw the line here, seven's enough. Anyway thanks to my loyal reviewers, Mantichorus, Dr Wilopolis and Haruko- 2020. And could someone tell the 'The Truth is Not Absolute' person I used his flamer to toast marshmallows and set the local school on fire. That is all.  
  
**Yuffie's Cure**  
  
Chapter err... 8? (The grand Moogle chase)  
  
#Now where were we... oh yes the FF7 characters and Silvawolf were chasing a Fluffy Purple Moogle across the Planet... Until the Moogle stopped to have a chew on the Plot #  
  
Silvawolf: No, not good!  
  
F P Moogle: Kupo! (Chews the plot which is disguised as a small dragon)  
  
The Plot: raaah! (Flames the Moogle) Gaarrr! (Bites the moogle and is released)  
  
F P Moogle: (burnt to a frazzle) ku...po?  
  
Silvawolf: Here boy! (The plot/dragon ran up to its owner and vanishes in a cloud of pink smoke) That's better I have my narrative powers back. Now, Fluffy Purple Moogle, why did you steal the Plot?  
  
Cloud: Remind me why we're doing this... someone?  
  
F P Moogle: I was hungry, kupo.  
  
Aeris: Why didn't you say so? (Hands the Moogle a cookie)  
  
F P Moogle: Yummy! Kupo nut cookies! (Runs off)  
  
Reeve: That was weird.  
  
(They vanish and reappear at Tifa's bar)  
  
Sephiroth: I don't think I'll ever get used to teleporting, makes me feel queasy.  
  
Aeris: I told you, you shouldn't of had that bacon roll earlier. It did look kinda dodgy  
  
Vincent: Can I have my book back?  
  
(Silvawolf repairs the book and hands it back to Vincent who goes into a corner to read it)  
  
Silvawolf: I guess there's just one last thing to do. Lets PARTY!  
  
(So how else to end a moogle chase than to relax and share goodies)  
  
(first of all some games)  
  
(Yuffie empties her bag of Materia into a large basin of water [they float!])  
  
Yuffie: 'Bobbing for Materia'... whoever gets a Materia gets to keep it!  
  
(Cloud, Tifa, Sephiroth, Red, Cid and Barret bobbed for Materia and the others watched. About ten minutes later cid swallows a fire one)  
  
Cid: ACK!!!! IT %£$(&%$£ BURNS! HELP!!!!  
  
Silvawolf: Oh god, does anyone know how to fix this, I sure don't  
  
Barret: There's only one way......... You have to wait until it comes out on its own.  
  
Cid: But that £)"&)$%takes &$")"%$hours! By then my (£%$ insides will be toast!!!  
  
Barret It's not that bad  
  
Tifa: And how would you know?  
  
Barret: ((Blushes))  
  
Cloud: Lets just leave it at that.  
  
Yuffie: Oh well, SCRAMBLE!!! (Tips over the basin)  
  
(After about five minutes all the Materia has been picked up by someone)  
  
Cloud: I got four magics [green] and a summon [red]  
  
Tifa: I got two commands [yellow] and three supports [blue].  
  
Vincent: I got an independent [purple]  
  
Red XIII: (cheerfully) I got seven magics and five summons!  
  
Barret: Well beat this! Six of each!  
  
Sephiroth: Easily, six of each plus another magic ((smirk))  
  
Barret: (mumbles incoherently)  
  
Silvawolf: What did you get Yuffie?  
  
Yuffie: Me? I didn't get anything.  
  
(Outside it starts raining pink and blue cows and flying pigs are playing badminton)  
  
Vincent: I don't believe it!  
  
Cloud: Then don't.

###And there we have it.###

One more thing......... how did she do after defeating her obsession?  
  
# Epilogue ############################  
  
Yuffie is sat in her room with an elastic band around her wrist and large box of Materia beside her.  
  
Yuffie: Want... Materia...  
  
(Pings elastic) ((SNAP))  
  
Yuffie: Ow! Want... materia...  
  
((SNAP))  
  
Yuffie: Ow! Oh to hell with it!  
  
(Grabs the box and runs into a wardrobe, where brightly coloured lights are seen flashing through cracks)  
  
Yuffie: Oooh! Pretty colours... (Fade out to Twilight Zone Theme)  
  
[The End???]  
  
############################  
  
Well thank you very, very much for reading this and I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing. Please review. There are more fictions on their way so watch out! Have a good holiday!  
  
silvawolf 


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